On Solitude

The backstory to my new single

Dear lovely readers. It brings me great joy to tell you that I went into labour last night and have birthed a brand new song for you: ‘On Solitude’. You can listen to it on all those streaming platforms at your leisure until the end of time (or until Spotify goes bust).

On Solitude Album Art (In my parents bed haha)

I was originally concerned that the title was too pretentious, yielding lofty expectations of verbose metaphors and an ego that takes itself too seriously. But this song began as just that: a collection of observations about exploring solitude that did not feel neither good nor bad, they were just new.

I spent a lot of my teens and early-20s falling in and then (normally very dramatically) out of love. The painful and time-consuming rise and the fall began to take a serious toll on my self-perception and I wound up as a young adult realising that I had never really learnt to rely on myself.

What followed was a long period of pulling the longing out of myself. Learning to sit alone and literally knit, paint, clean away my thoughts instead of infusing them into another person. It was, to put it mildly, a markedly unsexy part of my life but, to my surprise, solitude eventually brought a deep peace that I never knew existed. Independence cleared my vision and I felt practically giddy that a good book and beans on toast was all I needed for a riveting Friday night. Confessions of a 25-year-old spinster.

One memorable night spent sanding the paint off this bannister for no reason!

By the time I wrote this song, I realised I had become quite comfortable in this new found feeling and incidentally unable to differentiate between solitude and it’s lesser neighbour, loneliness. It felt as if my indulgence in independence had rendered me unable to take the risks I wanted to anymore for fear of falling. The grass was most definitely calmer on this side of the fence but the longing for the other side began to creep back in.

So, in short, I don’t know whether to announce to this tune as happy or sad, empowering or a bit depressing, but it means a lot to me because it came from a place of self-love. And learning that was a combination of all of the above. I remember I began with the lyric “It’s safe to be alone”, not good nor bad but a known feeling (and there’s no couples Google calendar to organise or person to hurt).

I don’t regret choosing to be alone which is why I called the song ‘On Solitude’ not ‘On Loneliness’. It has taught me so many things (although I still can’t sew lol), even if the walls are proving harder to break down than they were to build.

I made this record with the indescribably brilliant Sam Hobbs of Rebel Elements studio in Ilkley, Yorkshire. More on that later but I just want to thank him for all the support and creativity he brought to me during this project. And also to Liam DeTar who played guitar so beautifully on this track (as always).

She’s yours now! Please share with your friends, let me know what you think, put the kettle on and enjoy. Thanks for being here. Lyrics below for those deep divers (and my dad who can never understand what I’m singing).

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On Solitude

It’s safe to be alone

In a ceaseless state of grace

No one to hurt, no one to blame

I have restive lips and idle hands

But I know it’s nothing a cigarette can’t solve

Chalk it up to the cause of growth

I’ll learnt to paint and learnt to sew

And though it’s clear

I’m lead by love but seduced by fear

I’ll draw the curtains, light the stove

And tell myself over and over

That I’ve always liked the cold

I fear the open road

But crave it all the time

There’s courage built into my bones

But they’ve fractured and resigned

So i decorate my home

And settle down by lamplight

Is there peace in protection or just the absence of life?

It takes a month to make a perfect memory

My brittle soul decays, my courage atrophies

And in its resting place, I eat a slice of cake

I find my favourite book, I read my favourite page

I’ll write stories of a different place

A different woman with an unflinching face

I have no pseudonym but you don’t know my name

And if you see me know that I’m leaving

I won’t be here for too long

I won’t be pleasing

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Meet you on the stage

29th October - Sheffield @ The Dorothy Pax

11th November - Leeds @ Brudenell Social Club* (Free Show)

12th November - London @ Servant Jazz Quarters* (LOW TICKETS)

14th November - Dartington @ Things Happen Here

*Full Band Show

Meet you in the bookshop

Books I was reading at the time of writing On Solitude

Wild - Cheryl Strayed

If there’s one book that taught me the power of solitude it’s this one. A beautifully written memoir mapping Cheryl’s solo hike across 1000+ miles of the Pacific Crest Trail. It’s impressively unpretentious and preachy and the imagery makes you sweat in the desert with her. This book has stayed with me over so many years and I always to re-read it when I’m lost or travelling or both. It’s a good one.

Meet you on the radio

Music that inspired ‘On Solitude’

• The Wave - Bedouine

• Strange Isabelle - Gillian Welch

• Winter is Blue - Vashti Bunyan

Listen to my weekly playlist here!

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