Embarassing Attention

New music, solitary fiction & music recommendations

Let me paint you a picture: I’m currently sat at my bed desk, cocooned in an electric blanket and running on low energy reserves as I write to you tonight. I’ve opted for a hot mug of bepis (peppermint tea) in lieu of wine, attempting to keep my eyes open long enough to tell you the very exciting news that I am releasing a brand new song in just two weeks!

The setting feels relevant because, two years ago, I wrote this song, ‘On Solitude’, in a nearly identical position, albeit in Leeds not London. You see I’m one of those people who has great intentions of completing tasks well ahead of schedule. Ideally from the honourable height of a beautiful oak desk from the 1930s and in line with a well-thought-out release plan. In reality, everything is completed weeks, if not months, behind my non-plan, usually from a semi-horizontal position at 3am and always surrounded by bags of Haribo, last night’s dinner and at least 3 books that I am reading simultaneously. It’s very rock and roll.

As an independent musician you are not only your own boss but your own PR company, creative director, graphic designer, marketing manager and booking agent. It’s less akin to spinning plates, more like washing up; slightly relentless but leaves you with a cosy pre-bed satisfaction before you remember you have to do it all again tomorrow. There’s a temptation to become despondent about all the work you put in behind the scenes for what feels like a minimal reach but the the moments of connection I have had with individuals telling me that my music has helped them heal or articulate their own feelings is a unique, humanitarian privilege. One that was lost so palpably during the pandemic.

When releasing new music, I tend to self-soothe by reminding myself that “no-one cares as much as you do, Rosie” but the truth is that I want people to care. I have worked hard on these songs and they mean a lot to me. We all want attention without embarrassment but the hilarious reality is that sharing your innermost feelings with strangers (and especially friends) is inherently cringe-worthy. Acceptance of this is key (but challenging).

Years ago when I was busking in Newcastle (because I was too embarassed to play in Leeds where I lived), a man said to me “there’s many ways to change the world but music is a great one”. So tonight I’m holding his words in my mind as I prepare for the birth of a new musical baby. I feel, as I’m sure any parent does, that I will never be ready to show my child to the world (Simba-style) but I am steadying myself. And this time I’m encouraging conversation and connection. I want to hear about where my stories land and what you pull from them. I want this release to feel like a conversation, not a performance, as lyrical music should be. I have had my time with these songs as my own and I feel so excited to share them now.

I’m aware I have been slightly elusive about the content of the song but I promise to elaborate next week when I have had slightly more sleep. Until then, you can follow me on Spotify (which really helps the old algorithm!) and ponder the title, ‘On Solitude’.

Apologies if this newsletter is tinged in winge but I promised you honesty and today I don’t have much petrol in the old tank. But I can say I am very proud to have made it this far, to have made something worth sharing and I am grateful you are here listening.

Meet you on the stage

11th October - Manchester @ The Basement (supporting Rachel Lavelle)

29th October - Sheffield @ The Dorothy Pax

11th November - Leeds @ Brudenell Social Club*

12th November - London @ Servant Jazz Quarters*

*Full Band Show

Meet you in the bookshop

Recent fiction I have read about loneliness

Mammoth - Eva Baltazar

A courageously written short (yay!) novel from a highly praised Catalonian writer. Powerful prose that punches you in the womb and disorientates your moral compass. It follows a 24 year old as she experiments with a new life of hyper-independence, accepting (or not accepting) her sexuality and questioning the social norms. An explicitly weird and thought-provoking take on solitude. (Shout out to Christy who chose this for his book club at Ink@84!).

Hot Milk - Deborah Levy

I am late (as always) to the Deborah Levy party but I shall be here until the wee hours of the morning. Another short novel (are you sensing a theme…) that immaculately articulates the experience of being a carer for someone with chronic illness and the loss of identity that can come with the territory. Also set in Spain which is a place I have always felt an affinity to. The story and prose left me floaty, confused and satiated with beautiful words and imagery. A great entry to contemporary literary fiction for those wanting to dip their proverbial toes in.

Meet you on the radio

Some things I have been listening to as Autumn comes to call.

• Solitary Daughter - Bedouine

• Still Feel It All - Maro

• Crystal - Andrew Bird & Madison Cunnigham

Listen to my weekly playlist here!

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